


I'm In Love With You (Even If You Don't Love Me)

by Camphalfgalra



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, High School AU, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camphalfgalra/pseuds/Camphalfgalra
Summary: Her mom told her to never let a guy take a hold of her heart. If only Pidge had listened.





	1. Unrequited Love

It was the little things she fell in love with at first. 

It was his gentle smile, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges when his face would light up upon seeing or hearing something that brought joy to him. It was the way he protected his friends fiercely, even when there was no imminent danger. It was the way he cared, the way that he showed interest in fun things, like learning how to play guitar in the rare, spare time that they had. It was how he made an entire room light up with his laugh. 

She hated how he made her feel things she shouldn't. She hated how she had started admiring him from afar, admiring his intelligence and how he seemed to be such a genuinely nice person. She couldn't pinpoint exactly when she had fallen for him, all she knew is that she was falling faster than she had ever fallen before. She found herself blushing every time he made contact with her and smiling as he talked, laughing as she heard his confusion and sending him dreamy looks as he practiced guitar after school in the music room even though he didn't even take a music class. 

Her feelings for him started small, at first. She could go a while without thinking about him, but she knew that she was crushing on him. It was something she acknowledged, and it wasn't a big deal for her. At first. Then came the stupid 'family road trip' that Lance had declared would help them bond as friends. It was stupid, but they all agreed that it was time to take a break. Their first pit stop had been at a water park, and that had been the worst and best decision if her life. 

The trip itself was fun, and she found herself talking more and more with him. She discovered things that seemed so intimate, like the fact that he was afraid of falling for someone because he feared that they would leave him. It was like their precious secret, something that was only between them. They had fun, Keith making fun of her in a friendly when her glasses fell off as they rode down a water slide. They spent the entire time together, and she regretted having any fears beforehand. This was simple enough, and she thought that maybe, just maybe, he liked her back. 

But summer passed, and issues arose. It was like the honeymoon phase was over, and all that was left in its place was two lost people and lost 'what if's' as things quickly changed. He started focusing more on his school work, Pidge seeing him occasionally and trying to start up small conversation. It always failed, and he would walk away and talk to other people, like Lance. It hurt her, seeing how he was making it blatantly obvious how he was ignoring her. 

She found out through Shiro what had happened and why he was ignoring her, and it was what broke her. Keith had found out about her crush on him, and had decided to steer away from her in hopes that she would move on. He wouldn't say it to her face, but he told Shiro that he didn't like her. That he saw her as a mere friend, at most. A good friend, who was making things awkward by liking him. 

She tried pushing her feelings to the side, claiming that she would focus more on her studies. But the more and more she pushed her feelings down, she found herself drowning in her own depressing thoughts. For months she had spent liking him, only to find out that she was making a fool out of herself by openly letting him take a hold of her heart and giving him the ability to break it with a few words. She found herself breaking down at the most random moment, crying as she watched a movie with Matt. She found herself yelling and screaming about how he had toyed with her, about how he had taken advantage of her feelings and how he was a cruel, cruel boy. 

She vowed to never speak to him again. Their relationship was strained, only speaking a few words whenever they were in a group conversation. She hated him, but found herself stuck in a hole. She found herself yearning for him, even though she knew that it was a wild dream. He wasn't good for her heart; he was toxic and she wanted him to get out of her thoughts. 

The New Year came around, and she decided to forgive and forget. Then her pushiness about wanting him to talk to her only pushed him further away, amplifying the screaming silence of their lack of conversation. She wanted to forget, _she wanted to forget_. She wanted to forget about how he had once showed interest in her, she wanted to forget about how he had laughed and joked around with her. She wanted to forget his smile, and to forget that she had ever liked him. 

But he spoke up, that coward of a boy did. He spoke up and asked 'are you okay' after she went through a rough period in her life, and it was the concern that made her realize that after months of crying, screaming and trying to forget that she was still madly crushing on him. 

She was in love with the idea of them being a couple, obsessed with him. She wasn't ready to let go, and she hated herself for allowing herself to be influenced so much by one boy. One boy who said he didn't like her, one boy who sent her mixed signals constantly and who liked one of her best friends. One boy who laughed with her one day and completely ignored her the next day. One boy who had charmed her and who knew how to play with her heart strings. 

She found herself back at square one, and not being able to move on, all she could think was _'fuck, I'm in love.'_


	2. Scar Tissue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is supposed to heal scars, but the scar tissue is barely forming six months later.

It was quiet for a few months after he asked how she was doing. Sure, there was the occasional greeting exchanged, it despite spending a lot of time around him, they still never maintained a full blown out conversation. 

She was sick of it. Of course she didn't expect to talk to him as an immediate friend anytime soon, but she expected him to at least try to hold a decent conversation with her. Instead, Keith left her to hang out around Lance, which served as a constant reminder for her that Keith wasn't hers, and he didn't love her back. 

She was sick of seeing them together. Sure, they had a reason to be close. After all, Lance and Keith shared all the same classes and bonded since they lived basically on the same block. That still didn't stop her from having a twinge of jealousy in her insides every time she saw them bicker and smile fondly at one another. It was repulsive, how intense her jealousy was. 

The most they interacted was in March, when they were forced to go to a party for Lance's cousin, Mateo. Granted, the beginning was awkward, but it had been mostly her fault for ignoring him even when he tried to send her a smile. Everything changed, however, when she was forced to play a dumb party game with him. 

She cursed whoever forced them to play Heads Up. He tried joking about the objects, and to her horror, she laughed. After a few minutes of playing, she loosened up, allowing herself to have fun, even if it was just for this one moment. He loosened up too, cheering her on in the cup stacking competition and the round of musical chairs.

They had fun, Keith and her singing happy birthday to Mateo out of tune together and just not caring. It was a blissful feeling, leaving her feeling content. Content, that is, until she was slapped in the face by reality when Lance and Keith were basically cuddled up on the couch together, Lance feeling down and Keith comforting him while staring him lovingly in the boy's blue eyes. 

She envied and loathed how she wasn't the one who he looked at like that. Her stomach and heart felt empty, and she refrained from interacting with him anymore that day. The fun had finally ended. 

Things after that weren't either good or bad. No, it was a weird mix of okay and not okay. For one, her relationship with Lance went down quickly, and as much as she tried to talk with him in a friendly manner because he was her friend, she couldn't help the death glares she sent him, eliciting surprise and hurt from him. 

"Did I do anything wrong?"

"No."

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything...I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"It's fine," she would say through a pained smile, her heart clenching in pain as she relived the moments when Lance had told her to go for Keith, knowing fully well that the boy didn't like her. As  much as she tried to not let the crush and broken feelings interfere with her relationship with Lance, she found herself drifting apart from him. 

They barely interacted anymore, but they still managed to talk more than she did with Keith. It sucked, knowing that feelings could get between what she had though was going to be an inseparable friendship with someone who she trusted with her life and secrets. She frankly didn't care anymore, however. 

She forced herself to stop caring, and every time anyone asked her if she was still in love with him she'd say, "no, not anymore. I'm over him, he doesn't deserve me," in a faux sense of security and confidence. But that was a cover for how she melted inside knowing that he talked about her behind her back, praising her for being a genius. 

It made no sense, and even though she lived the praise, she hated knowing what he was saying. He was sending so many mixed signals, and she didn't like it. Not one bit. It was just plain out frustrating, knowing that he talked to Lance, Matt, and Shiro about how great she was while refusing to hold a conversation with her. 

It was the same cycle. "I don't care," followed by urging Matt to tell her what Keith had said about her since he never wiggled information from her, pretending to act annoyed that her name was in his mouth when he didn't even talk to her, followed by denial that she liked him. The cycle repeated itself so much that no matter how she tried forcing herself to forget him, he was still there, ever so present in her mind. 

His dark blue almost purple eyes plagued her dreams, even though it had been almost a year since she had first developed a crush on him and six months since he had said he didn't feel the same way about her. She found herself imagining running her fingers through his raven colored hair every day, imagining and envying Lance for being in the position that she was so sure was hers not too long ago. 

"Do you still love him?" Allura had asked one day in June while they were shopping, tired after hearing Pidge talk shit about Keith for six continuous months. 

"No," Pidge had quickly replied. 

"By the way you talk about him, you'd think you're obsessed with him."

"Drop it, Allura," Pidge replied in annoyance, glaring at the older girl. And so, Allura had dropped it, leaving Pidge to think over what Allura had said. 

Did she love him? Of course she did. He was the first crush that had lasted for more than a few months, and she couldn't find a way to forget him, no matter how much she wanted to move on. He was always there in her mind, his eyes and soft smile appearing in flashes in front of her eyes constantly, haunting her. 

She loved him with a passion. After a year, she still wanted him more than ever. She wanted to hug him, to be his comfort in the middle of the dark night when his demons plagued his mind. She wanted to be his anchor and to be in his arms. Oh, how she envied Lance for taking that from her, even though she knew it wasn't his fault. 

She yearned for him to suddenly snap to his senses and declare his love her, but this wasn't a fairytale. For her, there were no happy endings. She was the girl who had fallen in love, hoping that the boy would catch her, only to fall to her death because he decided to not be there when she needed him. He didn't want her, and the soft looks he shared with another person who wasn't her was a constant upsetting reminder that he didn't love her like she loved him. 

All she was left with was the scar tissue of a once healthy friendship, picking up the broken fragments of her heart that Keith knew he had caused. However, she knew that if Keith ever even showed the slightest interest in her, she'd place her broken shards into his hands again, only to have him break them into even smaller pieces. 

The scar tissue was new, battle wounds after surviving his rejection and cold shoulder. She was only left with the bruises and excuses of why he couldn't like her the way she wanted him to, and trying to restart was the hardest part when she knew she would jump back to him at any given moment. 

He was dangerous, that raven haired boy. He was dangerous, his words the bullets and his mouth the gun firing them, only leaving her with wounds that were slowly healing. 

The scar tissue was barely forming, and she was still there, silently hoping that she could forget. However, even she knew that it was going to take even more to fully be able to get over him, but she was making it her mission to not let him take control over her so easily like he did now. 

Slowly, but surely, she was going to heal herself, and no matter how much it would I hurt, she was going to forget him. She had to do it, and nothing was going to stop her. 

Not even her pain and broken heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m adding more chapters because I need to vent somewhere and this seems like a good way to do so lol. Hope you enjoyed!


	3. We're Gonna Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She never expected them to ever be able to talk like friends again, but a chance situation finally lets them both be alright with each other again.

Fate was a completely funny thing.

It had been almost a year and a half since she had discovered her romantic feelings for Keith, and she was still dying inside, albeit not as much as before. She could hang around him now without feeling an intense blush coming on, or become a stuttering mess. He was becoming a bit more comfortable around her too, making short playful conversation as if nothing had happened.

But of course, fate had to come and both mess that up and fix their silence. 

After completely avoiding him to escape her own feelings, she ended up having to walk down the aisle with him at Shiro and Allura’s wedding. Talk about fate being a funny thing.

She was convinced that it was Matt’s doing that had made them walk together. She remembered his face when Shiro had told her, eyes wide and secret wide grin on his face. She hated him, but what she hated more was the funny feeling in her stomach when she found out and how she had smiled like a lovesick child instead of glaring in anger like she had intended upon doing.

Needless to say, this wedding was… and eventful one, for the newlyweds and for her heart.

The day started out normal enough, the girls getting to the clearing in the forest where the ceremony would take place to meet the men. The one thing that changed, however, was when Keith saw her.

He immediately lit up, flashing her a hesitant smile as she slipped into her place next to him. He offered her his arm, and she slipped her hand through it, completely ignoring the tugging feeling in her heart as she walked down the aisle with him. She could feel him smile at Lance as they went into their positions for the ceremony, and all she could do was force herself not to care.

The day continued and they went to take pictures. At the park, all he could do was talk to her about what was going on with Romelle and matt, who seemed to be very interested in each other. God, she wished she could do the same with Keith. 

Tired of talking with everyone else once he abandoned her yet again for Lance, she ended up leaning over the railing surrounding the large lake, the bright sun making her skin glow. It was peaceful, and when she got off, she caught Keith looking at her before turning back to Lance.

Was she really stupid for hoping that he had been looking the entire time she had stood there?

Eventually all the pictures were taken and they went to the reception hall, where the night ony evolved into something straight of a story. 

Preparing to walk into the hall, she talked excitedly with a small kid, feeling keith smile down at her. When they were finally ready to walk in, Keith stuck his arm out for her, asking, “are you ready?” in the softest tone that she had ever heard him use.

It made her melt. 

They missed their cue to walk inside, but it was okay. Keith’s laugh was worth it.

She and the rest of the crew involved in the wedding ended up talking animatedly over dinner about random things, Keith even poking fun at her by saying that they had her favorite food on the menu. She only laughed and shook it off, only to have him offer it to her when he was done and didn’t want to eat anymore. It was sweet, although kind of weird. She awkwardly refused, and that was the end of that.

He eventually drifted off with Lance, the two going over to talk to some other friends. She spent the night playing UNO with the other bridesmaids and the groomsmen, completely forgetting about Keith for once. It was peaceful and fun, to say the least.

The night passed and she was left in charge of a baby, supposedly one of one of Allura’s closest friends. She walked up and down between the tables, noticing Keith smile fondly at her fondly when she passed where he was sitting. She heard him call her over, but she gave the baby away to his mother when he started crying, ignoring Keith until she was called up for pictures with the other bridesmaids.

“For instagram!” She heard Romelle shout excitedly.

When that ended, the best part of the night came. Since Pidge was old enough to catch the bouquet this year, everyone urged her to do it. She did it, of course, standing up front with Veronica and Romelle at her sides. 

When Allura finally threw the bouquet, it landed on the ground. She tried again, and this time, Pidge caught it. To her surprise, the entire hall burst into loud cheers, whoops of excitement all throughout the air. She laughed and blushed, walking off with the other girls following behind her, congratulating her.

When it was Shiro’s turn to throw his tie, she watched as everyone pushed Keith towards the front, the boy eventually doing it by himself until he was close to the front. When he finally did throw the tie, she watched Keith reach out for it, only for Matt to catch it. Keith pouted before letting out a laugh as Lance shoved him in the shoulder.

Pidge turned away in disinterest, deciding to ignore them. She was happy, and this wasn’t going to ruin her good mood. 

She got whiplash later when Keith and her accidentally locked eyes and Allura and Shiro thanked everyone for coming, and caught him blushing intensely. She had been looking for her parents, only to find Keith. They both looked away in embarrassment, her heart thumping loudly in her chest.

The night ended, and she said one final goodbye to Keith with a smile. He did the same, his smile just a little softer than his regular one.

Getting home, the first thing Pidge did was scream into her pillow and hold her bouquet up, smiling excitedly and a wild smile on her face. The day had been so good, and everything that had happened had only fueled her crush even more. 

Letting out a sigh, she placed a hand on her heart. She had to be careful. One good day was just that, one good day. One fond smile didn’t mean anything. She had to calm down. So she did just that, putting her bouquet down and going to take a shower. She signed herself to believing that they would never speak again after that day.

The next couple of weeks, however, were exciting, and a bit confusing. 

Keith talked to her more now, letting some of the awkwardness between them go. He would finally say hi, and they could hold up a decently long conversation without feeling to awkward. It was finally like the old days, when they would joke and tease each other without a care.

Slowly, she realized that this was a new beginning. 

They were going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> (:


End file.
